I Transform Myself Into What I Truly Am

Meditación con Mataji Shaktiananda

11·01·2023

I announce my life, I announce my Being, I announce my truth.
I announce myself.
I believe that I should, every time that I am able,
announce to myself what I am.

When I say announce, it is not about utilizing
any paraphernalia or advertising myself.
What it is, is to not disbelieve my truth.
And my most certain truth is that I live.
That I live today, here.
And that has me, maintains me, in a constant
and conscious breath, in which I only live,
to live with the one that I only live, living.

For this I breathe with attitude, with consciousness of life.
I breathe.
And I must understand, I must know, I must accept, and I must enjoy
this act of breathing.
As a demonstration, symptom, necessity, enjoyment,
of the sentiment that living produces.

Each time that I breathe, each time that I become conscious,
my life changes.
In principle it changes because I need changes in me.
And I thank myself for that.
For always having the will
to propitiate, to undertake, changes to obtain
what I really seek: to transform my Being.

I always ask myself:
How much should I transform myself?
Or, what could be more of a question:
In what moment did I deform myself, in order to need this transformation?

And it is that in reality, in truth, we have become so deformed,
we have inclined ourselves toward what is against nature, toward what is not.
Because if I feel, if I think, this cannot be my nature,
that causes me to stumble so, that is indignant, that is careless,
that does not permit me to be, but rather, is this unknowing.

How much time did it take to produce such deformation?
Was it that I did not understand?
Was it that I did not take responsibility?
Was it that I did not lead myself
toward what my nature demanded of me, asked of me?

At times I think, I feel,
that there were tensions, traces of unconsciousness,
after-affects, false nuances,
that led me to deform my perception,
not only of myself, but also of the other and of the world in general.
I abandoned what could be my particular manner of perceiving.

How much did I absorb? How much did I misunderstand?
How badly did I act?
And, as a consequence, there was such deformation.

If I look at it today with some questioning and less judgement,
it is because something in me was also prepared,
in order to produce the change that I need,
until reaching that which my transformation, is.

What do I want? What should I transform myself into?
Into what I know and at times I pretend not to know.
Into what I truly feel and at times I hide.
Into what I know, I am, without evading myself, without denying myself, without excluding myself
from what internally I know and feel, all of this, is.
All this that you are, all this that I am, all of this.

And it is as if today, I could not, I would not want to continue existing,  
in the midst of, within, and for so much deformation.
I want to reestablish, reformulate, what I am, now,
without so much distortion.
And I reach it in my breath, in each conscious breath.
 
I know that in some part of me, my nature
exists and is,
beautiful in principle, active and pure.
And that there no longer exists, not even in me,
a being who could possibly deviate me,
detract from me or deform me further.

Not anymore, not anymore.
For this reason I prepare myself, I attend to myself, I risk myself,
I formulate myself, I order myself, I transform myself into what I am,
into the Being that Is.

I breathe deeply.
I feel at peace,
I feel capable,
I feel in truth.

Om Namaha Shivaya